Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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