if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
