you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
