32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
