Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
