last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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