Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her vagine was all disorganized.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
