Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
