dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
