loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
