i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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