So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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