He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
