Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
