Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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