Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
where are my eyebrows?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
