honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize