I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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