You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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