So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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