A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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