i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
