i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
