glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
