We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
