So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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