So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
