I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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