You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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