It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
