You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize