Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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