dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
