Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
