i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
