I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
