Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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