I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize