i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
