You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize