ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
