I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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