My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
