whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
