So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize