Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
