so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
