How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
