sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
