So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
