I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
