I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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