i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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