Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I party with great urgency now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
