guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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