just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
