Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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