at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
