Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
