Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
