Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
