This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
