Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
