I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
