yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize