I'm really into asian looking animals
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
