this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
